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Living on the short scale

June 14th, 2010

Where we are now

Often I can notice thinking on a short scale. And I’m not referring here at living the moment – which is a wonderful thing. I’m talking about limits and assumptions and judgments derived by living on the short scale theory, which I describe like this:

Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this way so there is no point to do it, cause it will not have any impact to myself or to the environment around me

I don’t know exactly from where it comes.

We are 6 billions of people on this planet.

Like Lao-Tzu said:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

What happens if a percent might be thinking like this? What if 1.000.000 people » Read more: Living on the short scale

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Posted in Development, Featured, People

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Keep the label on the box

April 20th, 2010

Putting labels limits our ability to see other possibilities. To discover and sustain the potential of people around us.

And we are very good at doing this. It comes from early development ages of human kind, when we need to generalize in order to be able to learn new things and move forward.

It is going to a new level, in our times with so much information available. The first option when there is such an abundance of information that a human cannot read/process in one single life-time, is to generalize.

And this is even worse when we used it for people.

We just categorize one of our co-workers as being » Read more: Keep the label on the box

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Posted in Management, People

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No hero will come

February 17th, 2010

I hear very often around me, that people are waiting for something to happen or – worse – for someone to come and solve their problems.

I was myself in the same spot in the past so I decided to share with you my own experience on this.

Who/What are we waiting?

Let’s see what are the common things or persons we are waiting.

So we are waiting for:
1. The others to come to discuss with us our own needs
2. A friend to discuss with us our feelings
3. A partner to suggest us a better deal or a better project
4. A lover to come and express the love
5. Family to express the caring
6. An unknown person to come and say » Read more: No hero will come

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Posted in Life, People

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Four relationships rules

January 13th, 2010

I’ve remembered recently what a very good person told me about the four rules of relations between human beings.

And today as I’ve experienced one of them I want to share them here and thus be sure whenever I want I can recall them:

1.  Give
Give means simple giving.

Like I’ve explained in one of my previous posts: Dare to give, to simple give to others, without expectations, without regrets. Just give fully.
So the most important thing to remember here is: give without expecting anything in return.

Without creating expectations and without trying to make the other one someone obliged to me.

2. Ask
Most of the people cannot read » Read more: Four relationships rules

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Posted in Featured, People

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How to lose a discussion

November 30th, 2009

Inspired by this post on Seth’s blog related about how to lose an argument online, I want to share with you my own perspective about how to lose in a discussion generally.

In my own perspective there are two big things that are stopping the dialogue and make you get lost into the discussion:

1. Bring the past into the discussion.

What would you possible expect from the other when you bring the past into the discussion? You need to be aware that the past happened and cannot be changed. So just adding it to the discussion, it is just an argument that you want to be right, no matter of the costs. Cause the person in front of you cannot do anything about the past. The only answers you expect from him/her are: excuses and blames. And none of this could help in any way to improve the discussion or to take a further action.

So put yourself this question: What am I expecting when I bring the past into this discussion? If you want to learn something from it and analyze it, then can be ok. But do you really want to do this?
» Read more: How to lose a discussion

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How to follow-up feedback

September 28th, 2009

What we’ve learned so far was how to give feedback, how to receive feedback.

And here is a common situation: I’ve already give a negative feedback to someone, the process was good, the other listen and received well, but after a while, he/she is making the same thing, or the improvements are not the one expected and agreed.

In this case I need to give a second feedback: the follow-up feedback

I APPRECIATE YOU

When I need to give a second feedback on the same matter, I try to appreciate the efforts the other made to remedy the situation or behavior. I try to accentuate the positive and the evolution and in the same time make clear that there are still things that needs to be improved.

I’M OPTIMIST

OPENNESS

I try to show that I’m open to understand what happened and that we can work together to see what are the next steps. I try to help other understand what need to be done and where to put the focus.

WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS

COMMUNICATE about COMMUNICATION

I try to obtain a feedback about my first communication. And I’m trying to see if there was any things that were unclear or not well understood.

WE ARE SPEAKING THE SAME LANGUAGE

You can you the following phrase to start the follow-up feedback:
“I noticed that after my last feedback you made some good steps. Now it is time to try together to identify what still need to be improved and what sabotaged this improvement. Also I would like to listen from you what you think about my last feedback and what things were not communicated clear or were uncertain”.

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Posted in Development, People

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How to receive feedback

September 25th, 2009

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said” – Peter F. Drucker

I EVOLVE

Don’t be upset when you receive a negative feedback, no matter the form used by the other to give it. Remember this is an interaction from which you and I evolve. Both of us means well and it is trying to help other to evolve and learn something.

I LISTEN TO YOU.

I’M OPEN

If the feedback is not transmitted in a desired way, tell the other this as simple and clear as possible. Show the other how a feedback should be give and communicate clearly what you need.

I UNDERSTAND YOU

I WANT TO LEARN

If the feedback contains a general qualitative assumption (like “You’re good” or “You are bad”), suggest to the other to establish system of values reference at. Avoid a discussion about which systems of values is good or which is bad. Just stay focus on the subject.

I APPRECIATE YOU

I ACCEPT

Admit the mistake you’ve made (when a negative feedback) or the good thing you’ve done (at a positive feedback) and try to obtain as many information as you can to solve the issue (for negative feedback) or continue on the same path (in case of positive feedback)

HELP ME UNDERSTAND

I CARE WHAT YOU THINK

Do not say excuses or try to blame for negative feedback, or try to minimize your involvement. Just communicate that you care about the other person’s feelings.

I CARE ABOUT YOU

There is more about feedback: the follow-up feedback. I will write about this in the next post

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Posted in Development, People

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How to give feedback

September 23rd, 2009

What is the shortest english word which contains the letters: A, B, C, D, E, F? It is: Feedback

SIMPLE

Make it simple. Just say what you want to say, without adding any unnecessary words or ideas.

OPENNESS

The most important message that you want to communicate during a feedback is: “I’m ok, you are ok!”. This is made by attitude and tone of voice. This will open a communication channel between you as giver and the other person as receiver.

HE/SHE WILL LISTEN.

HELP

An important thing to establish from the beggining is that you will not give feedback to the person, but you will give feedback for activity or results. And you need to accentuate the fact that you are willing to provide help for the other to identify problems and solutions. This way the receiver will be willing to discuss very open and easy about the results, without » Read more: How to give feedback

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Posted in Development, People

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Intro to feedback

September 21st, 2009

A while ago I’ve made a short training at the company I work about how to give and receive feedback. I’ve remembered today about it and I want to share to you what I think about how to give and receive feedback.

Someone said “Feedback is the breakfast of champions”.

There are multiple documented ways and books and articles about how to give and how to receive feedback.

And beyond all of them, feedback is a basic one-to-one sincere communication.

When it is about giving feedback, it should be simple, based on facts and without making any assumptions or judgement.

Here are some simple rules about how to give positive feedback: » Read more: Intro to feedback

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Posted in Development, People

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Really listening to others

September 18th, 2009

This is the most important aspect of any human interaction: The ability to listen what other is saying!

Probably you, like me, got into a discussion with an already well anchored idea. I believed that what I know and what I think it is the right thing to say or to do.

And I’ve started to interrupt the other person and started to make judgments, cause I really knew well the situation.

But, I’ve found out that my assumptions and my believes can be very far away than what the other person is trying to communicate to me. And by doing so, I just end the communication cause I make other to get defensive or offensive. And when a part of communication is in this state, there is no communication.

Also I’ve found that if I really listen to others, I can be more creative about solving a problem or dealing with a situation.

Cause if I really listen, then the communication always bring more details, information that can help me take a decision or act.
And most important of all, I can transmit to the other that what he/she is saying it is important for me.

It helps if I try to see what others are thinking and try to imagine myself in their place. This help me understand them and listen to them more carrefully.

One gold rule I’ve learned about conversations is this: If someone opens to you and try to communicate something that bothers him/her, do NOT interrupt it ever. Don’t make judgments or assumptions during the openness part of the conversation. Just stay there and listen or encourage him to continue.

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Posted in Leadership, People

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