Did you ever wondered if your behavior could generate drama or happiness around you? Not only in yourself?
Did you ever wondered if your behavior has a role in the functionality of your team or organization?

Behaviors and triggers

Everything you do is communication. I didn’t study so much NLP, but as far as I know, this is one of the grounding principles there.

I will be more focused in this article, about the symbols people assign to this principle.
Here is an example of what behavior can trigger, even in your absence:
Let’s say you were invited to an event.
Now, you decide to say no to the invitation and not show up to that event.
Do you think that your answer is a communication for the ones present there?

Well, for some of them it might be. If they know you and they know that you were invited, then your refuse will be interpreted as meaning something.
That something is of course related to their own interpretation and believes.
But your non-presence there will anyway be interpreted in some way.
Imagine the same situation at work when you choose to participate or not to a meeting or to a discussion.

Let’s analyze a different example, from another angle:
You were invited to a charity event and decide to go.
Do you think your presence there will communicate something to the ones that were decided not to go?
In some of the cases, yes. People not coming and hearing that you came, will also interpret your presence there as having a meaning.

What I want to point out from this examples is that you communicate, even in your absence.
And today, with all the Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare or whatever form of social online bounding, this type of communication is very much facilitated. Now, more people know about what you are or aren’t doing.

Any behavior or anything you say can be interpreted by others in some way.
There is no such a thing as non-action and non-communication.

Interpretation and filtering

This is a very difficult question.
Luckily with a simple answer:

You don’t know and you will never know.

Why? Because they form their interpretation based on their mental map. For those who don’t know what mental map means, let’s say they will form their interpretation starting from their own desires, fears, knowledge, concepts and dreams.

Did you ever been in a group hearing someone talking and then afterwords when you talked with your mates, noticed that each one of you remember different parts of the story. Some remembered maybe specific details, like colors, names, distances, numbers. Others remembered connections or links. Others remembered some specific words, or movements. And so on.

In these examples you can see how this mental map works. Each person has a unique map, and even if two persons are exposed to the same environment, to the same behavior or words, they can have two very different experiences.
One of the most common examples you can see these days is the attitude of people toward different events that are happening around the word. A bunch of people are watching the same TV images and still they are showing different attitudes. Some of them judge, others congrats, others remain indifferent.
The same happens in public space. A public person says or makes something. And then immediately the watchers, even if they saw the same facts, the same reality, are reacting different. Some sustain, some deny, some are even getting angry or disturbed.

All of this happens because of our filters and interpretations.

Observation and awareness

I’m not saying it is bad or good to have these interpretations of filters.
They just exists. You cannot remove them or change them whenever you like.

Create Peace One Garden at a Time

 Some rights reserved by Roger Lynn

But what I call for, in this article, is for you to be aware of the consequences of your own actions.
To observe the change of behavior in others that can be affected by your own actions.
Keep your eyes opened.
Did you said something and some people were smiling?
Well be aware that what you said and their own interpretation found a matching point in a positive anchor.

Did you announced something and no one even replied?
It might be your announcement/communication didn’t passed their filters. Or what passed by was too less impressive.

Accountability

Why is important to be aware of what your behavior triggers, even if you cannot fully control it?

It is important because even if you cannot control it, you can be more accurate and clear in your communication.
You can take one more step and sometimes explain your behavior if needed.

Think about this:
A child comes to you and ask you to play. And you just simply say No.
The child insist, and you keep getting angry and raise your voice while still saying NO.
This is a possible scenario. I’ve seen it many times around me.
But in this case are you aware of the fact that your reaction can affect this child for years? Maybe even shape his adult life?
So, why just not add a clarification in the first place to your No. Say why you don’t want to play.
This way you raise the chances that the child won’t take it personally.

This situation can happen and affect the same an adult.
And I know, some of you might think, I don’t need to change my behavior in order to please another person.
If someone is hurt by what I’m saying, then it is his/her problem.
And partially I agree with you. You don’t need to change anything because of someone else. The other one, will suffer only based on his/her own interpretation of your facts.

What you can still do, you can be more clear in your message. Try to fill any gaps there are.

To eliminate any possible confusion you might think of.

Yes, it takes a little effort.
But this effort it is good for both sides. For you to feel complete and content with what you did.
Also for the other might help, as it remains so little to his/her interpretation that the chances for anything to go wrong is small.

As final words I want to say this: if you feel intelligent, illuminated, or enlightenment, then I think one of the higher purposes is to contribute to others.

Because if you are like this, then you know how to handle your own issues, but maybe the others don’t know.
So why to contribute more to their complexity and complex suffering?

A romanian author – Octavian Paler – wrote this as advice for Parents:

If you really like reading this article please feel free to share it on Twitter and Facebook.

Thank you and enjoy your life,
Lucian

This article is about Why we are doing our job? and For whom we are working for?
Actually to put is simple: What is the meaning of our job?

As time pass by – no matter if you are an entrepreneur or employee – for most of us the routine kicks in.
Is a normal process, there is nothing wrong with it. It happens because our mind and body does an wonderful job to adapt to changes.

The matter – higher purpose and routine

In the beginning there is always a higher purpose in the way we see our work.
This purpose is different for each of us, but generally it fits in one of the following categories: world-wide (to improve something, to change something, to create something, … ), personal (to acquire, to achieve, to evolve, to build, …).
What I see happening after years of working is forgetting this purpose.
After a long period, the focus is starting to change from the higher purpose to another type of goal.
Usually we’re starting to think we work for a person, or for paying the bills, or for surviving from one day to another.
And I think this has a strong impact on the motivation and quality of achievements. There is a big different between auto-motivation and external motivation.

What I described above it is happening more in industries where people are not in direct contact with the final user of their work. One example I can think of is IT programming. Where programmers are working to a piece of software for months or maybe years, and in the end there are very few occasions to actually meet in person the users of that software.
So it is very easy to loose the focus on the beneficiary and think you are working for your boss and you’re doing things just because he asks for them for a personal reason.
Or if you’re the entrepreneur developing this application, it is easy to think at the market in generally, at the evolution of price, or quantity or cash-flow or whatever other concept you think it comes to challenge your business.

The shift – it is only in your mind

The solution to this is the change of focus
Don’t take things so personally.

If your manager gives you a task, think to the end-user, the one that will actually use it.
You’re doing it for that person, not just because your manager asked it. Yes, the assignment comes from your manager, but the beneficiary is another person.
Or think again why did you entered in this field. What drives you. That is the thing you’re working for.
Or if you’re the one creating the business, reminder yourself that you started it because you had a purpose.
And that purpose is not marking the business run. Not even becoming the number 1 in an industry. You wanted to create something in the world. You’re not creating a business to pay taxes, or to launch products quicker. You did it because you believed in something.

Remember the meaning of your work. That’s it.

And when someone comes to you with a task, a request, think that the purpose of doing that request is more related to your personal higher purpose then to the person in front of you.

In the end, the results will be the same no matter from whom or for what you’re doing your job.
But it makes a lot of different in the quality of results and the quality of your life if you do it for a higher purpose or just because someone else asked you to do it.

If you liked reading this article please feel free to share it on Twitter and Facebook.

Thank you and enjoy your life,
Lucian

Versiunea în limba Română a acestui articol se află aici.

Photo Copyright Some rights reserved by mr.bologna

What I notices in the follow-up session or reviews is people talking about successes they have or have not while pursuing their objectives or purposes.

In these sharing, I hear very often that success means getting a desired result and failure means not getting a desired result.

So, if someone got a desired result, then it presents this as being a success. If he/she got a result, but not the desired one, or no result, then automatically he/she labels this as being unsuccessful.

The interpretation

I thinking believing desired result as the single source of success is a limiting thinking.

Because, in this case, every other type of outcome that come from your actions is automatically considered failure or something similar.

This type of thinking creates two things:
1. Dropping of motivation. In a process, the chances are that you’re getting less desired results then other types of outcomes/feedbacks. Usually at the end you’re getting the desires results, but until then, there is more likely to be in a trial-and-error kind of process.
2. Missing learning opportunities. Very often, what we consider as being a failure is dropped and never looked at. Eliminating anything that is not the desired result, means you’re dropping a lot of other possible opportunities or learning chances.

The sources of success

Photo Copyright:  Some rights reserved by kanegen

Why getting a result, desired or not, is not a success?

It is a feedback or your work. You can still built on it.

Or maybe you can get a boost of energy from doing what you’re doing. Why this cannot be a good source of success from that action?

Types of outcomes

In a process, there are multiple types of outcomes:
1. Physical results
2. Thoughts
3. Feelings
4. Connections
5. Motivation
6. Energy
7. More actions

And the list can be a lot more.

Anyone of them, represents something that you can get out of a process, no matter if it is something that you planned to get or expected to get.

The sources of success

I first heard about this, in a training at Olde Vechte Foundation and then I refined more and interpreted in my own way

First, I define success as being an outcome that allows someone to move further toward a goal, purpose, vision or dream
Second, I define result – in this article – as being something that is happening (in the physical world) and than can be noticeable by seeing or hearing.

In the light of this definition, here are the sources of success, as I see them:

- A result that you got from the process
- An insight about you or about the process
- Learning something about the process, about the implementation or about your behavior
- A new understanding about you or the world or the process or about something
- Creating or boosting the motivation
- Clarifying your goals, or vision, or desire or purpose
- Building a connection with someone that can provide help on the process
- Rising the energy levels

And the list can be long.

The worst thing you can do is tell people you care about them and then act like you don’t care.

Usually they will see or sense somehow that something is not working or is wrong.

You’re creating confusions and false expectations and in the end it is coming back to you.

It is the same way in companies: If you as a company say people are one of your core values, then act like this.

Walk the talk.

There are no excuses. And there should be no exceptions.

If happens to get of the track, fix it.
Don’t waste time on excuses and stories. Act and fix it.

Care is more a verb than a noun. So act.

Photo copyright:
 Some rights reserved by United Way of the Lower Mainland

I had this ideea in mind when I applied to Training for Practical communication and Coaching, training organized by Synergy and Olde Vechte foundation.

Before going to this training I’ve already been in Ommen, Holland at Olde Vecthe Foundation 4 times:
- as participant at Basic Training
- as participant at Advanced Training (now evolved and called Choice)
- as co-trainer at Advanced Training
- as participant at Training for Trainers

I really enjoyed all the experiences there.
All trainings follow a unity in approaches and method: they create a space to fully express yourself, to discover and develop your strenghts.

For me this training was about core qualities, core strenght and how to use them in a coaching session.
Was about being a coach not becoming one. Discovering what is there are improving it, step by step and day by day.

What are the core qualities?

These are the qualities that each persons have, the ones that each of us use every time we are in a new situation, never experienced before and which cannot be reated to something already known.
What is so special about them?
They are the grounding for everything that you and I learn new.
They are different from one person to the other, but they are reflected in day-to-day life. But sometimes we forget about them. We forget to rely on them and to bealive in them.

In Synergy trainings, they use learning by doing methods that pushed me to use my core qualities. And they do it in a way that you cannot resist. No matter what reasons you tell yourself that stops you for using for inner strenght, they manage somehow to bring them to light.

This Coaching Training is organized as multiple coaching sessions where you cand find out your coaching style and also you have the opportunity to work on some practical coaching questions.

All the trainings are powerful, intensive and creative.
There are no mistakes there, only learning by doing.
You have the space to try and try until you make it. And you’re always supported by feedback.

I strongly recommend participating to this training if you are working with groups, no matter if you plan or not to become a coach.
The experience there helped me to understand more about how coaching works, what value it really brings in a team, why and when I should apply it.
I think it worth the cost and I think is one of the cheapest prices for a professional coaching training that you can find in the market right now.
It is even cheaper than a full coaching session with an experienced coach and you have there the opportunity to be coached by Synergy trainers.
There is only one requirements to benefit for this: TO DARE

The training is happening between 3rd July till 11th July 2011 in Ommen, Holland
Click here to open the application letter for this training and apply for it.
This letter also contains information about what is happening each day and detailed description about what you will learn there.

Regarding the travel

As I spoke with friend that were going for the first time there in Ommen for trainings, one of the questions are How do I get there?

I tried so far different routes. I arrived there from Bucharest via Dortmund Airport, via Frankfurt Airport or via
Brussels Aiport.

I traveled so far with Wizzair (for Dortmund and Brusells) and with Luftansa (for Frankfurt).
From any of these cities to Ommen, I traveled by trains.
I used one of the following websites to see what my route is, where to change trains and from which platforms (rail tracks):
- www.ns.nl
- www.bahn.de
Both of them have english translation and they are straight forward: you choose the date and time and they give you the timetable for trains with all necessary details.

How to travel from Dortmund Airport to Ommen – Detailed Info

(the trip from any other airport in Germany or Holland to Ommen it is very similar with this)

One single thing to prepare (maybe before going in the first train): have 10 EUR in coins. You will need them along the way or in the last step.

1. Dortmund Airport -> Dormund Hauptbahnhof (Central Train Station)

Once arrived in Dortmund airport and getting your luggage, go to the 1st floor (I think) and go out of the airport.
After exiting the airport automatic doors, in the right, there are 3 bus stations.
From there take the Airport Express bus (6 EUR ticket) to Dortmund Hauptbanhof (Dormund Central Station).
As far as I remember now, the waiting station for this bus is the second one. Just look at the display in each bus station and see which one is the one for Airport Express. (If you see Dortmund Hbf – this is the central station)
You can see online the timetable for this Airport Express here: www.dortmund-airport.de

From airport to central station there are no intermediary bus stops. It will only stop to the destination.
When you exit the bus, just turn around and you will see across the road, the Central Train Station.

2. Dortmund Hauptbahnhof (Central Train Station) -> Zwolle or Marienberg

Before entering the station, on the left as you look to the station entrance, it is the DB ticketing office.
Enter, take a number and ask the cashier to give you a ticket to Ommen.
They will usually tell you that you can buy from there a ticket to one of the big cities in Holland and so far I got to Zwolle or Marienberg.
They will also print you the timetable, containing for the stations where you need to change useful information:
- arrival time and platform
- departure time and platform
Please notice that all trains are arriving and leaving stations at exactly the time written on that timetable.
So don’t be late.
This ticket costs somewhere around 35 EUR.

3. Zwolle or Marienberg -> Ommen

Once arrived in Zwolle or Marienberg, buy a ticket to Ommen.
You can buy ticket from vending machines (which I recommend, it is very quick and the interface is easy) or from office inside train station.
From Marienberg to Ommen the train makes around 7-8 minutes. Costs 2.50 EUR
From Zwolle to Ommen the train makes around 18 minutes. Costs 4.30 EUR

4. Ommen Train station -> Olde Vechte Accommodations

When you exit the train station, go to the right until the crossroad.
There turn left and walk until the crossroad where you will see on the left Restaurant De Zon, in fron there will be a bridge.
There, just before the bridge, go to the right:

Picture from Google Maps (C) Google.com

After turning right, walk for maybe 50m or so and you will see on the left a small road and a sign: Olde Vechte Accomodations.

icture from Google Maps (C) Google.com

Tips & tricks for traveling from Airports to Ommen:
1. Buy some water in the first train station from where you start your traveling. Can be founded also in trains but sometimes you need to change trains very quick.
2. Have some coins. Somewhere around 10 EUR should be enough.
3. Don’t panic if you miss one train. Usually there will be a similar train in the same direction within an hour. You don’t need to change the ticket, as long as you keep the same train type, class and direction. If you are a controller type of person, then print also the next timetables before leaving.
4. Enjoy the travel. There are many beautiful things to see and wonderful people to talk with.
5. Ask if you’re unsure about something. People are very open to help you and most of them speak English.

Final words

Recently Wizzair opened a low cost flight to Eindhoven. From there traveling with trains to Ommen is much easier. Check www.ns.nl
Alternatively you can try to find flights to Amsterdam.
Also I found out from other participants that there are more cheaper ways to travel and not using at all airplanes. Some of them came there using only trains, some traveled in groups and used cars.

The training is happening between 3rd July till 11th July 2011 in Ommen, Holland
Apply for it by Clicking here to open the application letter for this training.

Do you thank yourself for your successes and learnings this year?

What is the influence of your image on your communication with others?

or maybe

What is the most useful way to give and receive negative and positive feedback?

or

What means to be responsible in communication?

or

How the perception influence the communication and how to deal with it?

photo credit: joshfassbind.com

Or did you ever wanted to discover your communication barrieres, that limits you to say what you want and feel free to express yourself in order to achieve your goals.

Then you should subscribe to the Consciousness Communication
This training is only for people who speak Romanian language and will happend in Bucharest on 4th and 5th December 2010.

You can read about what other participants said after this training here: http://training.ghinda.com/#despre-traineri

The price for both training days is 95 RON. This costs includes only the training room reservation and the materials. We want to keep the costs low so that many people can have access to this type of training.
So we are delivering voluntarily the training without any personal financiar benefits.

If you’re interested about this training please read the full description of it and how to subscribe here: http://training.ghinda.com/

Please share about this training among your friends. Cause you never know which one of your friends would want to improve his/her personal communication skills.

First I’m already changing the world because I exists, with everything I do every day. With every decision I take. With every word I spoke. With every thought I have.

Then:

I’m changing the world by investing in me

Investing in me, learning new things every day, evolving myself is the best gift I can make to the world. The only meaning I can really touch the world and make a difference.

I’m changing the world by accepting it

The first step on changing anything, is accepting it. And maybe by accepting the world, I change. And changing me is truly changing a little piece of the world.

I’m changing the world by smiling

If I smile to a person and he/she smiles back, I just changed one second of a person. And this is huge. And that person can also smile to someone else. And so on.

I’m changing the world by doing things I love

By doing things I love to do, this is the true value I can bring to the world.

I’m changing the world by being happy

As happiness is a contagious mood (and Daniel Goleman already demonstrated this theory in his “Emotional Intelligence” book), then if I’m happy, the others around me can catch my happiness and also they can spread it to their friends too.

I’m changing the world by sharing what I know

By sharing what I know with people around me is another way I can contribute to the general wisdom.
No matter if I share something the others agree with or not. Something that others experienced or not. As long as many people know about it, maybe someone could use it or use the antithesis.

I would like to read how the following people would change the world: David, Alina , Carmen, Irina

Creativity is doing something different but respecting the rules.

It is not the same game, when you disrespect the rules or create new ones to fit your perspective.

This is not creativity.

When you change the game or create a new one, this can be vision. Or it can just be laziness.

Vision and creativity are not exclusive, they can both co-exists.

The final road is an infinite combination of crossroads

Whether I decide to go in one place or another, there will be new options along the path as long as I let the burned bridges behind.

As every burned bridge is a place to build a new one, much stronger based on learnings from the destroyed one.