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Lucian Ghinda

My ideas, My thoughts, My perspective

Living on the short scale

Where we are now Often I can notice thinking on a short scale. And I’m not referring here at living the moment – which is a wonderful thing. I’m talking Read more…

54 Sources of happiness

Started from a post written for a personal development project I’m taking part – Whichway, I’m writing here a list with possible sources of happiness. Some of them might work Read more…

Auto-pilot Many times we are on auto-pilot. Automatically responding to what happens in our lives, to what triggers our social and personal auto-mechanisms. We’re believing most of what we hear. Read more…

How can 6 people really understand each other

Perception creates images So, we are communicating every moment. And like someone said (don’t remember who right now):” You cannot not communicate”. Let’s analyze a little how our minds work Read more…

Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

How can 6 people really understand each other

February 11th, 2010

Perception creates images

So, we are communicating every moment. And like someone said (don’t remember who right now):” You cannot not communicate”.

Let’s analyze a little how our minds work when we are communicating.

There is a real version of myself that is determined by all decisions I’ve made in the past, all the hopes I have for the future and all the moments I live in the now. And in all this mix, here comes the perception. The perception is the capacity of our mind to transform the reality based on our own world map.

So, how perception works in a communication?

It works well cause along with assumptions and expectations it creates two new versions of myself when I’m participating in a communication:

1. The “I” as I want to see myself

2. The “I” as others » Read more: How can 6 people really understand each other

1 comment »

Posted in Communication, Development, Featured

Tags: barriers Communication how it works perception walls

Four relationships rules

January 13th, 2010

I’ve remembered recently what a very good person told me about the four rules of relations between human beings.

And today as I’ve experienced one of them I want to share them here and thus be sure whenever I want I can recall them:

1. Give
Give means simple giving.

Like I’ve explained in one of my previous posts: Dare to give, to simple give to others, without expectations, without regrets. Just give fully.
So the most important thing to remember here is: give without expecting anything in return.

Without creating expectations and without trying to make the other one someone obliged to me.

2. Ask
Most of the people cannot read » Read more: Four relationships rules

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Posted in Featured, People

Tags: ask Communication give People receive refuse relation

How to lose a discussion

November 30th, 2009

Inspired by this post on Seth’s blog related about how to lose an argument online, I want to share with you my own perspective about how to lose in a discussion generally.

In my own perspective there are two big things that are stopping the dialogue and make you get lost into the discussion:

1. Bring the past into the discussion.

What would you possible expect from the other when you bring the past into the discussion? You need to be aware that the past happened and cannot be changed. So just adding it to the discussion, it is just an argument that you want to be right, no matter of the costs. Cause the person in front of you cannot do anything about the past. The only answers you expect from him/her are: excuses and blames. And none of this could help in any way to improve the discussion or to take a further action.

So put yourself this question: What am I expecting when I bring the past into this discussion? If you want to learn something from it and analyze it, then can be ok. But do you really want to do this?
» Read more: How to lose a discussion

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Posted in People

Tags: assumptions Communication correction dialogue discussion errors made past planning prediction

How to follow-up feedback

September 28th, 2009

What we’ve learned so far was how to give feedback, how to receive feedback.

And here is a common situation: I’ve already give a negative feedback to someone, the process was good, the other listen and received well, but after a while, he/she is making the same thing, or the improvements are not the one expected and agreed.

In this case I need to give a second feedback: the follow-up feedback

I APPRECIATE YOU

When I need to give a second feedback on the same matter, I try to appreciate the efforts the other made to remedy the situation or behavior. I try to accentuate the positive and the evolution and in the same time make clear that there are still things that needs to be improved.

I’M OPTIMIST

OPENNESS

I try to show that I’m open to understand what happened and that we can work together to see what are the next steps. I try to help other understand what need to be done and where to put the focus.

WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS

COMMUNICATE about COMMUNICATION

I try to obtain a feedback about my first communication. And I’m trying to see if there was any things that were unclear or not well understood.

WE ARE SPEAKING THE SAME LANGUAGE

You can you the following phrase to start the follow-up feedback:
“I noticed that after my last feedback you made some good steps. Now it is time to try together to identify what still need to be improved and what sabotaged this improvement. Also I would like to listen from you what you think about my last feedback and what things were not communicated clear or were uncertain”.

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Posted in Development, People

Tags: Communication feedback follow-up I appreciate you language openness

How to give feedback

September 23rd, 2009

What is the shortest english word which contains the letters: A, B, C, D, E, F? It is: Feedback

SIMPLE

Make it simple. Just say what you want to say, without adding any unnecessary words or ideas.

OPENNESS

The most important message that you want to communicate during a feedback is: “I’m ok, you are ok!”. This is made by attitude and tone of voice. This will open a communication channel between you as giver and the other person as receiver.

HE/SHE WILL LISTEN.

HELP

An important thing to establish from the beggining is that you will not give feedback to the person, but you will give feedback for activity or results. And you need to accentuate the fact that you are willing to provide help for the other to identify problems and solutions. This way the receiver will be willing to discuss very open and easy about the results, without » Read more: How to give feedback

1 comment »

Posted in Development, People

Tags: careness Communication give feedback help improvement openness simple

Really listening to others

September 18th, 2009

This is the most important aspect of any human interaction: The ability to listen what other is saying!

Probably you, like me, got into a discussion with an already well anchored idea. I believed that what I know and what I think it is the right thing to say or to do.

And I’ve started to interrupt the other person and started to make judgments, cause I really knew well the situation.

But, I’ve found out that my assumptions and my believes can be very far away than what the other person is trying to communicate to me. And by doing so, I just end the communication cause I make other to get defensive or offensive. And when a part of communication is in this state, there is no communication.

Also I’ve found that if I really listen to others, I can be more creative about solving a problem or dealing with a situation.

Cause if I really listen, then the communication always bring more details, information that can help me take a decision or act.
And most important of all, I can transmit to the other that what he/she is saying it is important for me.

It helps if I try to see what others are thinking and try to imagine myself in their place. This help me understand them and listen to them more carrefully.

One gold rule I’ve learned about conversations is this: If someone opens to you and try to communicate something that bothers him/her, do NOT interrupt it ever. Don’t make judgments or assumptions during the openness part of the conversation. Just stay there and listen or encourage him to continue.

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Posted in Leadership, People

Tags: Communication conversation interaction listen People show care