Many times we are on auto-pilot. Automatically responding to what happens in our lives, to what triggers our social and personal auto-mechanisms.

We’re believing most of what we hear.

Trusting well known “truths” just because our someone from our life believed in them and told us in some point in time (most of them during childhood) that “This thing should be this way!”

The question(s)

Just remember that many of the important achievements, steps forward, innovations and creations came because someone, sometime put this question:

IS IT?

Is it really true?

Is it really true FOR ME?

Is someone else responsable for my own choices?

And multiple other alternatives:

Could it be the other way?

What happens if I don’t bealive this?

What happens if I will do the opposite?

Are the stories we tell ourselves real?

Using this question to motivate you

We’re hearing from childhood this:

“Do not talk with strangers! It is bad! It is dangerous! It is forbidden!”

Did you ever put these questions:

“Is it really bad? Is it really dangerous? Is it really forbidden? for me in this point in my life?“

Or I hear many times around me:

“Don’t do that. It will never work!”

Whenever I hear this, I’m starting to ask myself:

“IS IT? Is it true that will NEVER work? Could it be that will work this time?“

And then this question just starts to motivate me to try!
It is a very good motivator just to ask the question and explore the possibilities.

This question could also be used just to bust the creativity.

Whenever you’re stuck and find no solution to a problem, you can always start putting this questions to some of the way you see the problem or to question the problem itself.

photo credit: 姒儿喵喵

A while ago, a good friend of mine, let’s call it A left the country to work outside for a long period of time. A common friend B came with the idea to give him a present to remember Romania as long as he’s gone. And because I’ve focused on other things, this got lost from site and the same happened for B and a couple of hours before A should be on the plane, I was talking with B on the phone. We were stuck to find a gift in the remaining time and we were both struggling to make this happens somehow. Then while talking I’ve put myself this question: Is it really necessary to give A the gift before leaving the country? So I’ve started to question a part of our initial intention. This way, I and B came with the beautiful ideea to create a gift for A and ship it to his new address. This way we’ve solved the problem in the most valuable way, just because one of us, had the thought to question one of the parts of the problems: the time when the present should be given. I’m sure A will enjoy it very much!

And this is just one example from how this question could just add new options to a situation.

15 situation where you can apply the question

So, remember to put this question whenever:

1. you’re stuck to find a solution.

See my example before.

2. someone is telling you that you “must” do something

Ask: Is it really necessary to do this?

3. you’re telling to yourself that you cannot be somehow

Ask: Is it true that I cannot be this way?

4. you’re telling to yourself that you cannot have something

Ask: Is it real that I cannot have this?

5. you’re telling to yourself that you cannot do some action

Ask: Is it really true that I cannot do this?

6.  you’re telling to someone else (or to yourself) what he/she can or cannot do

Ask: Is it really true that he/she cannot do this?

7.  you’re hearing the words: “It is better to …”

Ask: Is it really better for me?

8.  you’re hearing the words: “It is good for you to …”

Ask: Is it really good for me?

9.  you’re hearing the words: “You should do/act …”

Ask: Is is really the way I should act?

10.  you’re hearing the words: “I know that the results will be …”

Ask: Is it possible for you to know that?

11.  someone is telling you how you should feel like “You should feel  …”

Ask: Is it a good thing for me to feel that way?

12. someone is telling you how to act – without being asked, like “In your situation I will do …”

Ask: Is it that you will do the same in my situation? Is it good for me to do this?

13. someone is telling you how to think – “You should think this way …”

Ask: Is it me that thinks this or him/her?

14. you’re telling yourself that you don’t feel something, like “I don’t feel …”

Ask: Is it really true that I don’t feel this way?

15. you’re telling yourself that you feel in some way, like “I’m …” or “I feel …”

Ask: Is it really true that I feel this way?

Be open to question the well-known and obvious truth!

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I was myself in the same spot in the past so I decided to share with you my own experience on this.

Who/What are we waiting?

Let’s see what are the common things or persons we are waiting.

So we are waiting for:
1. The others to come to discuss with us our own needs
2. A friend to discuss with us our feelings
3. A partner to suggest us a better deal or a better project
4. A lover to come and express the love
5. Family to express the caring
6. An unknown person to come and say “Hello” to you
7. The future, where becoming better we can solve our problems
8. Next week to start ….
9. Next month to start …
10. Next year to make that change …
11. A new opportunity to say …
12. A special occasion to celebrate the life
And here you can put your own items on this list. I’m sure it can grow as big as you want.

What is happening?

It is just running away from the current moment, to live in an uncertain future.
And most of the times we are putting our hopes in someone else to make a move and improve our OWN life.
It is running from responsibility of our own actions, for what we can create and how we can live the life.

No hero will come. No future version of us will come to the present and rescue.

If you want to have a better future, start doing thing now, in the present.

Don’t put the control to the others anymore. Don’t want for NEXT to come.

Do you think that the other will come to change your life or to improve it?

How can you evolve in the future, if you don’t do anything in the present? The future is generated by every present moment you life. You don’t do anything in any present moment, then there will be no better future.

When you wait for someone else to make a move, when do you think he will do that move? When it is best for you or when it is best for him/her?
Remember each person takes the best decision he/she can do in a particular moment. And each person is running toward happiness or running away from pain.

Use questions to take actions

Put yourself these questions:
How long do I have to delay living my own life, until I realize I’m in the driver seat?
How long do I need to wait for someone else, until I figure out that I’m the creator of my own life?
How come, I have all these knowledge about my life and myself and I’m still thinking that other can know me better and help me decide what is best for myself?
How come, I know my needs and my desires and I’m still waiting for others to fulfill them? (Read more about being aware of your own needs)
How many stories do I need to tell myself, before I will acknowledge they are not true and start viewing my real life? (Read more about the stories we tell)

Related posts:

1. Don’t plan the future, do it now
2. How to lose a discussion

So, we are communicating every moment. And like someone said (don’t remember who right now):” You cannot not communicate”.

Let’s analyze a little how our minds work when we are communicating.

There is a real version of myself that is determined by all decisions I’ve made in the past, all the hopes I have for the future and all the moments I live in the now. And in all this mix, here comes the perception. The perception is the capacity of our mind to transform the reality based on our own world map.

So, how perception works in a communication?

It works well cause along with assumptions and expectations it creates two new versions of myself when I’m participating in a communication:

1. The “I” as I want to see myself

2. The “I” as others are seeing me

Communication between me and the world

What happens is that I send messages to the world using the image of me that I want to share to the world.

And the other people are replying to my communication to the image of me that they are seeing.

This means that there is a communication wall composed by those 2 projected images. And this wall is filtering the messages I sent and the messages I receive.

Communication between two people

Now, now let’s look more close how it works between two people:

We can observe in this:

The image of what I want to be communicates with the image I have about the other

And there is no communication between the real me and the other real person.

Actually the message arrives to the real persons, but with very much noise created by these images.

Why? Because not only that I’m communicated from another perspective, but also I’m addressing to an image of the person and not to the person itself.

It is no wonder that because this way of communication, it is very hard to create authentic relations based on the 4 relationship rules.

Now just by being aware of this model, we can try to communicate beyond it.

And our body language is doing it already, but the signs are not coming so quick to the conscious mind.

How the communication should happen

So being aware of these images we can let them behind and communicate from one real person to the other.

That means:

- no assumptions

- express true feelings

- dare to ask, give, receive, refuse

As Zig Ziglar summarized:

“When 2 people meet, there’s really 6 people present. Each man as he sees himself, each man as he wants to be seen, and each man as he is.”

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