And today as I’ve experienced one of them I want to share them here and thus be sure whenever I want I can recall them:

1.  Give
Give means simple giving.

Like I’ve explained in one of my previous posts: Dare to give, to simple give to others, without expectations, without regrets. Just give fully.
So the most important thing to remember here is: give without expecting anything in return.

Without creating expectations and without trying to make the other one someone obliged to me.

2. Ask
Most of the people cannot read minds

So I should not expect them to know what I want, I desire or I need.

The most simple way to communicate what I’m thinking is to tell and thus the most simple way to ask is to ask.
Asking for help or asking for something, should be done correctly by letting to the other the choice to choose. So I should be aware that the probability to receive a Yes it is egual with the probability to receive a No. So it is 50/50

This way when I’m asking for something, I should not raise my expectation higher than the reality.

photo credit: Pete Ashton

3. Receive
First when I accept something, I should be fully aware of the consequences of my acceptance.
Also, I should not feel obliged by my acceptance and try not to limit any possibilities.
Receiving should be as simple as giving. I receive something and this is everything that is about it
On the other hand, when someone if accepting something from myself, I will not consider this a contract between us.

4. Refuse
I’m the owner of my choice.

So when someone is giving me something I have the option to deny it. It is my choice, so he/she shouldn’t be offended by my refusal.
I can refuse something because it is too much for me and I by accepting it I will probably feel obliged somehow to that person.
In many cultures giving a too big (or too small) gift it was considered an insulte and this was the reason: not to make anyone feel obliged by a gift.
Also I will not take any refuse personally. It is just the choice of the other person and I will respect that choice.

Related posts:

1. Intro to feedback
2. Dare to be happy
3. How to give feedback

Someone said “Feedback is the breakfast of champions”.

There are multiple documented ways and books and articles about how to give and how to receive feedback.

And beyond all of them, feedback is a basic one-to-one sincere communication.

When it is about giving feedback, it should be simple, based on facts and without making any assumptions or judgement.

Here are some simple rules about how to give positive feedback:

- do not use the word “but”

- make it in front of others so that you raise other person self-esteem

- let away any negative side you encountered in the past or you might think it will be in the future

- communicate your personal feelings about how good you felt about that situation or action

- do not give positive feedback and negative feedback on the same communication, it will confuse the receiver

Negative feedback:

- try to be as simple as possible

- do not try to be very polite

- do not apply the sandwich method that is: say something positive, say something negative and finish with positive. This will just confuse the receiver

- say first facts you observed

- say how you want other person to behave in that specific situation

- make sure you transmit the signal: “I’m ok, you are ok”

- do not make judgements

- do not make generalization

- be as specific as you could be

- say how you felt when other person behave or took that action

When you receive feedback, no matter if it is positive or negative:

- listen carefully what other is trying to communicate

- do not interrupt

- do not try find excuses

- do not try to blame others

- put questions to be sure you understand the feedback

- thank to the other person for feedback

- make a commitment to improve your behavior or actions

I will continue in next posts to detail more about giving and receiving feedback

Related posts:

1. How to follow-up feedback
2. How to give feedback
3. How to receive feedback